Connecting in Community with Communities
By: Melissa “Meli” Segovia/Manager Zaentz Community Fellowship Program Stanford Center on Early Childhood
I am humbled to have been asked to contribute to this month’s edition of “Scribbles” at First Things First.
The submissions in previous months showcase the large network of parents and community members that would move mountains, or should I say Sand Dunes, for the youngest citizens of Porter County!
Although my background involves years of study, collaborations, and work with academic institutions, I want to write today about the critical impact and inspiration that parents have had on my journey as a professional and as an individual.
One of my first roles fresh out of college twenty years ago was as a child specialist— I provided information on child development and screenings for families, often sharing knowledge I had acquired in college with eager zeal. I memorized developmental milestones and shared them with parents, often focusing on “filling knowledge gaps” that I had read to be addressed in order for children to reach their full potential.
My educational background had taught me about the importance of the first three years of life, but I had not learned how to listen, yet. Luckily, coworkers and parents of the community I worked with had other plans for me. When I wanted to focus on a developmental outcome on a screening, my colleagues asked, “Have you asked how they are doing? How are things at home?” My colleagues modeled how they created spaces for play, conversations, and moments to listen.
It was during parenting groups that parents shared struggles and triumphs with the group. I learned how living in a cold basement apartment with little-to-no-heat impacted a family's decisions to allow a baby to experience more “tummy time.” A purchase of a cushioned puzzle piece for a participant’s floor at home created a safe space for the baby and meant much more to the family than isolated information on a child’s gross motor delay, which is what I may have overemphasized a few months earlier. Slowly I learned to pull away from diagnostics and focused on learning more about the systems and environments that influenced homes and communities.
Parents taught me about the importance of listening and conversations, but they also taught me about the importance of showing up. As I heard about the challenges and realities of the community I decided to spend more time locally so I could picture spaces beyond the four walls of my office. I stayed in the neighborhood after doing a health fair on a Saturday to have lunch at a local mom and pop shop. I walked the neighborhoods and got to know the homes, the corner gardens, and how families could access the food pantry (surprise, the entrance wasn’t well marked). It was during these walks and time spent with families that I started to feel a genuine relationship bloom.
In this light, I humbly learned that parents were not seeking to be told what to do, they wanted to be seen and heard. Being seen involved moving beyond what the newspapers or textbooks tried to teach us, it meant seeing and acknowledging the whole community, including the gardens, the hidden shortcuts, and deep love and concern that families and neighbors hold for one another. Twenty years down the road, I continue to see the critical importance of the first three years of life, but thanks to parents, I can also speak to the importance of supporting parents in their critical role as loving and caring individuals and community members. That support requires more listening and relationship building.
To that end, I'm delighted that we are partnering with First Things First (FTF), which models community listening and relationship building in more ways than I can count. I look forward to listening to and learning from Porter and Lake County families through our partnership and through the stories and data collected via the RAPID survey, which will magnify your voices and help design a pathway forward for all.
I look forward to exploring and learning more about your beautiful counties which are so close to my own home in Chicago.
Warmly from your neighbor on the other side of the Skyway, Melissa “Meli” Segovia